The 911

Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to. Someone who will sit next to you even when you don’t ask them to. Someone who will always be there for you. Someone who can always be your 911. Someone who understands you and what you’re going through. Someone who will never judge your flaws, mistakes, scars, and shortcomings all because they appreciate you for who you were, who you are and who you are going to be. 

I don’t care if they can only say “ooh”, or just nod their heads, or just say “that’s okay” without giving fruitful advice. I don’t care. Their presence matters more than anything. 

Sometimes we just need someone who could bring a little bit of light into our darkness. A little bit of smile into our sorrows. A little bit of of hope into our despairs. Someone who could truly see the little things we need when we need it the most.

Sometimes we just need that person, the person that we can trust, the person we can lean on, the person we can rely on. Sometimes we just need them, not because we’re not enough to be ourselves, but because their existence could support you through your hard times. 

Issues – Julia Michaels (Kina Grannis Cover)

Issues – Julia Michaels (Kina Grannis Cover)

I’m jealous, I’m overzealous
When I’m down, I get real down
When I’m high, I don’t come down
I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I could leave you just this fast

But you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too

‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

You do shit on purpose
You get mad and you break things
Feel bad, try to fix things
But you’re perfect
Poorly wired circuit
And got hands like an ocean
Push you out, pull you back in

‘Cause you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don’t judge me
‘Cause you see it from same point of view

‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

And one of them is how bad I need you
(I got issues, you got ’em too)

‘Cause I got issues
(I got)
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
(You got ’em too)
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
(I got issues)
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
(You got ’em too)
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues (I got)
And one of them is how bad I need you (You got ’em too)
Yeah, I got issues (I got issues)
And one of them is how bad I need you (You got ’em too)
Yeah, I got issues (I got)
And one of them is how bad I need you

Image source: frontrowliveent.com

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I was in relationship

I was in relationship

Fiuh, it’s been a year from that moment huh.. I’m not sure if it’s like yesterday or a thousand year. I’m not even sure if this is appropriate to be shared or not, but ya, I’m gonna share this anyway.

—*—

Throughout my life, I was close to some girls, but many of which only ended up with small talks or coffee dates without further stories. Yes I was never in a relationship. Sometimes the reasons were on the women’s side, but most of the time, I was the main cause. I find myself quite easy to be attracted to girls but extremely difficult to be attached to them.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean to play around with those girls. In fact, every time I dated a girl, I always hoped that girl will be right one. The hopes always felt like that step will be the last step needed to get to the top of the mountain, or the last note that completes the whole harmony, or the final word that could sum up the entire story. I always hoped that that will be the end of the searching, that that will end well.

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I love you is not enough

I love you is not enough

It was 30 minutes before the midnight when a chat notification came into my phone. I called him Cimeng, one of my best friends when I was in college. The name Cimeng in bahasa Indonesia means weed. My circle gave him that nickname because his face constantly looked like someone who was under drugs influence. 

“Are you busy?” he asked.

I always knew, random text in the middle of the nights means he just experienced a bad thing. Most of the times the bad thing was related to his romance story. He kinda sucks in doing relationship.

“No mate, what’s up?” I replied.

“Well, it’s about the story I told you last time. Can I call you?”

“Sure.”

Not long after that my phone rang, a voice call from him through WhatsApp application showed up on the screen. 

He started to share his story about a girl he adored in the office. I knew he’d been approaching this girl quite long time, and I knew how much effort he had given just to get a single glimpse from the girl. It wasn’t very smooth, but he did it anyway.

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Roles in Chess

Roles in Chess

Probably the best game my dad taught me when I was a kid was chess. The game was quite famous in my dad’s village. If in the afternoon I explored the alley where my grandparents live, I’d find some men were playing chess in front of their houses with cups of coffee next to them and cigarette on their mouths. I can say, it was a daily afternoon routine for the men around the village. 

Since it was very famous, he introduced me the game quite early. I was in the second grade of elementary school when he came back home with a chess board in his bag.

It was a pleasant afternoon, a perfect time for kid to play outside and get some sweat. Boys usually chose to play some sports or kite or traditional games. While the girls on the other side, usually played cooking or jump rope.

That day was quite different for me. My dad called me from distance and then asked me to sit with him on the terrace.

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Being Different

Being Different

Sometimes people’s voices confuse me. Some tell me to be authentic. Some others tell me to be “normal” and “fit” into society. While adjusting to both sides is not as easy as a lot of people say it is. Sometimes attempting to please our surroundings, being good at career, maintaining relationships, and all while trying to be authentic feels like a battle. Sometimes it makes me worry whether I am fit enough to my surrounding. The attire I wore, the words I chose, the idea I expressed, the things I did. It was all because I was afraid to be rejected.

I remember one day my friends and I had a dinner with one of my favorite lecturers in school. We talked about a lot of things, but one thing that I can never forget was about being different.

He gave us an interesting case:

“Suppose we have an aquarium with 100 fish in it. Ninety-nine of them are one-eyed, and only one fish has two eyes. In this context, which side is normal? Which side do you think will be oppressed to be ‘normal’?” Read more

Shallow – Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper

Shallow – Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper

Tell me somethin’, girl
Are you happy in this modern world?
Or do you need more?
Is there somethin’ else you’re searchin’ for?

I’m fallin’
In all the good times
I find myself longing for change
And in the bad times, I fear myself

Tell me something, boy
Aren’t you tired tryna fill that void?
Or do you need more?
Ain’t it hard keepin’ it so hardcore?

I’m fallin’
In all the good times
I find myself longing for change
And, in the bad times, I fear myself

I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I’ll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface where they can’t hurt us
We’re far from the shallow now

In the sha-ha, sha-la-low
In the sha-sha-la-la-la-low
In the sha-ha, sha-ha-ha-low
We’re far from the shallow now

Hoo, huh, uh, huhh-ow
Huh, huhh-huhhh

I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I’ll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface where they can’t hurt us
We’re far from the shallow now

In the sha-ha, sha-la-low
In the sha-ha, sha-la-la-la-low
In the sha-ha, sha-ha-low
We’re far from the shallow now

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The Stranger – Albert Camus

The Stranger

The Stranger by Albert Camus

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book really led me into bunch of questions.

What makes me a sad the most is how being “stranger” in society might be misinterpreted by society and cause us problem. The main character simply doesn’t play with societal rules, he is being true to himself, he say what he is, and he refuses to lie. As a result, the society feel threatened, and his life ended up tragically.

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