I was in relationship

Fiuh, it’s been a year from that moment huh.. I’m not sure if it’s like yesterday or a thousand year. I’m not even sure if this is appropriate to be shared or not, but ya, I’m gonna share this anyway.

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Throughout my life, I was close to some girls, but many of which only ended up with small talks or coffee dates without further stories. Yes I was never in a relationship. Sometimes the reasons were on the women’s side, but most of the time, I was the main cause. I find myself quite easy to be attracted to girls but extremely difficult to be attached to them.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean to play around with those girls. In fact, every time I dated a girl, I always hoped that girl will be right one. The hopes always felt like that step will be the last step needed to get to the top of the mountain, or the last note that completes the whole harmony, or the final word that could sum up the entire story. I always hoped that that will be the end of the searching, that that will end well.

There were moments that I was tired of flirting. Until I found what I had last time. She was the girl that shifted my whole horizon (sorry for a little bit extra in here, but it’s true). That girl was the girl that made me sure to express those common three words. I loved her, really. We had it for around 2,5 years, and it was probably one of the best periods in my life. I will never regret the moment we were together. To be honest, it was an honor to develop myself alongside with her.

It was a great relationship. We supported each other’s dreams, at the same time we gave space to each of us to grow. We were independent as well as attached at the same time. Some friends of mine even told me they saw us as a relationship goal. Well, I guess it is true that dreams end when the dreamer awakes.

That period of time is not always filled with smiles. Just like any other normal relationships, we faced issues. We encountered ups and downs. We fought and then teased each other again, argued and then shared laughter. It was truly a roller coaster. But I should say thanks to all those moments, I learned a lot from them.

My two and a half years ended right in front my eyes, and there was nothing, I repeat, NOTHING I can do about it. It was like in a high-speed car accident. It goes in slow motion. You know it’s happening, you brace for the impacts, then pray the damage will be minimal, even though you know otherwise.

I was brokenhearted. I felt alone. I WAS alone. I hadn’t been alone for awhile, and I don’t even know how to do it anymore. It’s like I had forgotten what it was like before. That was the moment I realized – I’ve changed; a lot.

It took me awhile to understand that not everything in life is meant to be a beautiful story. Not every person we feel something deep is meant to make a home within us.

I feel blessed for what I had last time, because from that experience I learned some of the best lessons in life; about relationships and about myself. So, yes people leave – but that’s okay, because I finally learned that even though they may not always stay with us as long as we like, but the lessons and the memories that we got from the meetings will stay with us forever, and that’s what matters.

Just in case she reads this bit, I just want you to know, I loved you, I really did. It’s just the time wasn’t right for both of us, or at least for me. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t ready to become someone you expected me to be. I’m sorry we should end up this way.

I wish you nothing but tons of happiness out there.
Salam anak ayam separo kambing.

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