Fiuh, it’s been a year from that moment huh.. I’m not sure if it’s like yesterday or a thousand year. I’m not even sure if this is appropriate to be shared or not, but ya, I’m gonna share this anyway.
Throughout my life, I was close to some girls, but many of which only ended up with small talks or coffee dates without further stories. Yes I was never in a relationship. Sometimes the reasons were on the women’s side, but most of the time, I was the main cause. I find myself quite easy to be attracted to girls but extremely difficult to be attached to them.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean to play around with those girls. In fact, every time I dated a girl, I always hoped that girl will be right one. The hopes always felt like that step will be the last step needed to get to the top of the mountain, or the last note that completes the whole harmony, or the final word that could sum up the entire story. I always hoped that that will be the end of the searching, that that will end well.
It was 30 minutes before the midnight when a chat notification came into my phone. I called him Cimeng, one of my best friends when I was in college. The name Cimeng in bahasa Indonesia means weed. My circle gave him that nickname because his face constantly looked like someone who was under drugs influence.
“Are you busy?” he asked.
I always knew, random text in the middle of the nights means he just experienced a bad thing. Most of the times the bad thing was related to his romance story. He kinda sucks in doing relationship.
“No mate, what’s up?” I replied.
“Well, it’s about the story I told you last time. Can I call you?”
Not long after that my phone rang, a voice call from him through WhatsApp application showed up on the screen.
He started to share his story about a girl he adored in the office. I knew he’d been approaching this girl quite long time, and I knew how much effort he had given just to get a single glimpse from the girl. It wasn’t very smooth, but he did it anyway.
Probably the best game my dad taught me when I was a kid was chess. The game was quite famous in my dad’s village. If in the afternoon I explored the alley where my grandparents live, I’d find some men were playing chess in front of their houses with cups of coffee next to them and cigarette on their mouths. I can say, it was a daily afternoon routine for the men around the village.
Since it was very famous, he introduced me the game quite early. I was in the second grade of elementary school when he came back home with a chess board in his bag.
It was a pleasant afternoon, a perfect time for kid to play outside and get some sweat. Boys usually chose to play some sports or kite or traditional games. While the girls on the other side, usually played cooking or jump rope.
That day was quite different for me. My dad called me from distance and then asked me to sit with him on the terrace.
Sometimes people’s voices confuse me. Some tell me to be authentic. Some others tell me to be “normal” and “fit” into society. While adjusting to both sides is not as easy as a lot of people say it is. Sometimes attempting to please our surroundings, being good at career, maintaining relationships, and all while trying to be authentic feels like a battle. Sometimes it makes me worry whether I am fit enough to my surrounding. The attire I wore, the words I chose, the idea I expressed, the things I did. It was all because I was afraid to be rejected.
I remember one day my friends and I had a dinner with one of my favorite lecturers in school. We talked about a lot of things, but one thing that I can never forget was about being different.
He gave us an interesting case:
“Suppose we have an aquarium with 100 fish in it. Ninety-nine of them are one-eyed, and only one fish has two eyes. In this context, which side is normal? Which side do you think will be oppressed to be ‘normal’?” Read more →
What makes me a sad the most is how being “stranger” in society might be misinterpreted by society and cause us problem. The main character simply doesn’t play with societal rules, he is being true to himself, he say what he is, and he refuses to lie. As a result, the society feel threatened, and his life ended up tragically.
Based on your perception of colors you are the ultimate surrealist. Your mind works in abstract, your imagination is powerfully vivid and you see the world from a unique and creative perspective. You notice details and symbols in everyday things that most people don’t take the time to observe. You have an affinity for artistic expression and you would always prefer to live life on the edge rather than stick to the norm.