Experience – Synopsis of Thought

Lanterne festival De Paris 2019

15th July 202015th July 2020Rahmalianto

I think Lenterne Festival De Paris is one of the most memorable festivals that I’ve ever been to. I just love every idea about the festival.

It was located on seaside area, around 1.5 hours from the heart of the city. I personally love the experience of attending festival on the seashore. The sea breeze and the sound of waves created a chill and comforting ambiance that is very “Jogja”.

The concert also played songs that intrigued us to reflect for what had happened in our country. The festival was actually held 4 months after presidential election, but the residue of the election was still very strong, polarization was still happening everywhere in that moment.

I’ve finally completed my degree

30th May 202031st May 2020Rahmalianto

I’ve finally completed my degree!
After 3 long years of my study, countless sleepless nights, countless time of studying, making mistakes, facing failures, feeling down, anxious facing my advisors, worrying about well everything, and bunch of other stupid shit I have finally completed my degree.

It took me 1.5 years for taking theories in class and 1.5 years for doing my thesis. Yes it took me 1.5 DAMN years to finish my thesis, a looping process of finding literature, trying methods, making mistakes, facing failures, and accepting that I have to repeat the process all over again.

Take me back to Merbabu

1st November 20193rd November 2019Rahmalianto

I need an open space. The private one to be exact. Just me, myself, and nature. A place where I can’t sense anything. A place where I can talk to myself intensely.

I remember those days on the savanna. So calming, so relaxing, so far away from human activity. Just me and some folks who are trying to find tranquility in the nature.

Hi somebody please take me back to the savanna. I miss the feeling of being touched smoothly by the wind as I laid down in the middle of the grassland. I miss the feeling of breathing the fresh air and hearing the chirps of some birds around the trees. I miss the feeling of enjoying breathtaking views of green hills, blue sky and some clouds that totally on the same height with me.

I was in relationship

24th July 201925th July 2019Rahmalianto

Fiuh, it’s been a year from that moment huh.. I’m not sure if it’s like yesterday or a thousand year. I’m not even sure if this is appropriate to be shared or not, but ya, I’m gonna share this anyway.

—*—

Throughout my life, I was close to some girls, but many of which only ended up with small talks or coffee dates without further stories. Yes I was never in a relationship. Sometimes the reasons were on the women’s side, but most of the time, I was the main cause. I find myself quite easy to be attracted to girls but extremely difficult to be attached to them.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean to play around with those girls. In fact, every time I dated a girl, I always hoped that girl will be right one. The hopes always felt like that step will be the last step needed to get to the top of the mountain, or the last note that completes the whole harmony, or the final word that could sum up the entire story. I always hoped that that will be the end of the searching, that that will end well.

I love you is not enough

17th July 20191st August 2019Rahmalianto

It was 30 minutes before the midnight when a chat notification came into my phone. I called him Cimeng, one of my best friends when I was in college. The name Cimeng in bahasa Indonesia means weed. My circle gave him that nickname because his face constantly looked like someone who was under drugs influence.

“Are you busy?” he asked.

I always knew, random text in the middle of the nights means he just experienced a bad thing. Most of the times the bad thing was related to his romance story. He kinda sucks in doing relationship.

“No mate, what’s up?” I replied.

“Well, it’s about the story I told you last time. Can I call you?”

“Sure.”

Not long after that my phone rang, a voice call from him through WhatsApp application showed up on the screen.

He started to share his story about a girl he adored in the office. I knew he’d been approaching this girl quite long time, and I knew how much effort he had given just to get a single glimpse from the girl. It wasn’t very smooth, but he did it anyway.

Roles in Chess

30th June 20197th July 2019Rahmalianto

Probably the best game my dad taught me when I was a kid was chess. The game was quite famous in my dad’s village. If in the afternoon I explored the alley where my grandparents live, I’d find some men were playing chess in front of their houses with cups of coffee next to them and cigarette on their mouths. I can say, it was a daily afternoon routine for the men around the village.

Since it was very famous, he introduced me the game quite early. I was in the second grade of elementary school when he came back home with a chess board in his bag.

It was a pleasant afternoon, a perfect time for kid to play outside and get some sweat. Boys usually chose to play some sports or kite or traditional games. While the girls on the other side, usually played cooking or jump rope.

That day was quite different for me. My dad called me from distance and then asked me to sit with him on the terrace.

Hi 2019! I’m coming for you

1st January 201921st January 2019Rahmalianto

I don’t know how to express how grateful I am to say goodbye to 2018. To be honest I have no regrets to look back on 2018. Although it wasn’t the best year, it taught me a lot about the importance of loving myself and the importance of being my true self. For me, it is the year of ‘Authenticity’.

2018 had been a year of embracing my imperfections and accepting the person I am. I found contentment in my journey and I’m grateful to be where I am now. I accepted myself wholeheartedly and I’m excited about growing to be my ideal self, not the ideal person of someone else. I stopped rushing for the next achievement to possess but to slow down and be fully present. I was slowly in tune with my feeling and realized that happiness is a journey, not a destination that I can rush towards. I started embracing my shortcomings and insecurities instead of surrendering to the dark voices in my head telling me that, I wasn’t good enough.

Thank you 2018, I learned a lot from you.

Fishing boat

28th December 201830th August 2019Rahmalianto

What’s my plan? Mine I must improvise to the fish’s because of his great size. If he will jump I can kill him. But he stays down forever. Then I will stay down with him forever.
-The old man and the sea

Music by: Sad Boy With A Laptop

Mengutuk Kemacetan

8th November 20189th March 2019Rahmalianto

Weird Happiness

26th July 201823rd September 2018Rahmalianto

Sometimes I miss my childhood…

In a way where, my happiness was just so simple. Even a stupidity of false belief could bring happiness in my daily.

I remember when I was a kid, on 6th birthday my dad gave me a special present. Guess what, when other kids got a roller skate, PlayStation, or remote controller car, my dad gave me… a couple of CHICKENS. Yeah it was a rooster and a hen.

To be honest, I didn’t have a clear idea about the reason why my dad gave me a couple of chickens. At least the reason for why should it be on my birthday. Seriously, what kind of dad give his beloved son a couple of teen chickens on the special day?

Probably he wanted me to learn how to share love, or probably he saw my quality as a caretaker and visualized me to be an eminent breeder in the future.

From the way the chickens seeing each other I can say: those teen chickens were falling in love, ready to make a further commitment as a family. And I knew, I was the third wheeler in their relationship. Thanks dad, I learnt how to be a third wheeler since my early age. Pffttt…