I’ve finally completed my degree! After 3 long years of my study, countless sleepless nights, countless time of studying, making mistakes, facing failures, feeling down, anxious facing my advisors, worrying about well everything, and bunch of other stupid shit I have finally completed my degree.
It took me 1.5 years for taking theories in class and 1.5 years for doing my thesis. Yes it took me 1.5 DAMN years to finish my thesis, a looping process of finding literature, trying methods, making mistakes, facing failures, and accepting that I have to repeat the process all over again.
Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to. Someone who will sit next to you even when you don’t ask them to. Someone who will always be there for you. Someone who can always be your 911. Someone who understands you and what you’re going through. Someone who will never judge your flaws, mistakes, scars, and shortcomings all because they appreciate you for who you were, who you are and who you are going to be.
I don’t care if they can only say “ooh”, or just nod their heads, or just say “that’s okay” without giving fruitful advice. I don’t care. Their presence matters more than anything.
Sometimes we just need someone who could bring a little bit of light into our darkness. A little bit of smile into our sorrows. A little bit of of hope into our despairs. Someone who could truly see the little things we need when we need it the most.
Sometimes we just need that person, the person that we can trust, the person we can lean on, the person we can rely on. Sometimes we just need them, not because we’re not enough to be ourselves, but because their existence could support you through your hard times.
Fiuh, it’s been a year from that moment huh.. I’m not sure if it’s like yesterday or a thousand year. I’m not even sure if this is appropriate to be shared or not, but ya, I’m gonna share this anyway.
Throughout my life, I was close to some girls, but many of which only ended up with small talks or coffee dates without further stories. Yes I was never in a relationship. Sometimes the reasons were on the women’s side, but most of the time, I was the main cause. I find myself quite easy to be attracted to girls but extremely difficult to be attached to them.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean to play around with those girls. In fact, every time I dated a girl, I always hoped that girl will be right one. The hopes always felt like that step will be the last step needed to get to the top of the mountain, or the last note that completes the whole harmony, or the final word that could sum up the entire story. I always hoped that that will be the end of the searching, that that will end well.
It was 30 minutes before the midnight when a chat notification came into my phone. I called him Cimeng, one of my best friends when I was in college. The name Cimeng in bahasa Indonesia means weed. My circle gave him that nickname because his face constantly looked like someone who was under drugs influence.
“Are you busy?” he asked.
I always knew, random text in the middle of the nights means he just experienced a bad thing. Most of the times the bad thing was related to his romance story. He kinda sucks in doing relationship.
“No mate, what’s up?” I replied.
“Well, it’s about the story I told you last time. Can I call you?”
Not long after that my phone rang, a voice call from him through WhatsApp application showed up on the screen.
He started to share his story about a girl he adored in the office. I knew he’d been approaching this girl quite long time, and I knew how much effort he had given just to get a single glimpse from the girl. It wasn’t very smooth, but he did it anyway.
Probably the best game my dad taught me when I was a kid was chess. The game was quite famous in my dad’s village. If in the afternoon I explored the alley where my grandparents live, I’d find some men were playing chess in front of their houses with cups of coffee next to them and cigarette on their mouths. I can say, it was a daily afternoon routine for the men around the village.
Since it was very famous, he introduced me the game quite early. I was in the second grade of elementary school when he came back home with a chess board in his bag.
It was a pleasant afternoon, a perfect time for kid to play outside and get some sweat. Boys usually chose to play some sports or kite or traditional games. While the girls on the other side, usually played cooking or jump rope.
That day was quite different for me. My dad called me from distance and then asked me to sit with him on the terrace.
Sometimes people’s voices confuse me. Some tell me to be authentic. Some others tell me to be “normal” and “fit” into society. While adjusting to both sides is not as easy as a lot of people say it is. Sometimes attempting to please our surroundings, being good at career, maintaining relationships, and all while trying to be authentic feels like a battle. Sometimes it makes me worry whether I am fit enough to my surrounding. The attire I wore, the words I chose, the idea I expressed, the things I did. It was all because I was afraid to be rejected.
I remember one day my friends and I had a dinner with one of my favorite lecturers in school. We talked about a lot of things, but one thing that I can never forget was about being different.
He gave us an interesting case:
“Suppose we have an aquarium with 100 fish in it. Ninety-nine of them are one-eyed, and only one fish has two eyes. In this context, which side is normal? Which side do you think will be oppressed to be ‘normal’?” Read more →
Based on your perception of colors you are the ultimate surrealist. Your mind works in abstract, your imagination is powerfully vivid and you see the world from a unique and creative perspective. You notice details and symbols in everyday things that most people don’t take the time to observe. You have an affinity for artistic expression and you would always prefer to live life on the edge rather than stick to the norm.
Seribu asumsi bisa saja muncul, namun hanya beliaulah yang satu-satunya mengerti. Meski dengan pendekatan super canggih hingga disebut ilmiah, tapi asumsi tetap saja asumsi.
Hati-hati, asumsi sering kali melahirkan orang-orang sok ngerti.
Toh tidak semua hal di dunia ini harus kita mengerti. Apalagi tentang hidup orang lain, apa yang membuat kita berhak memainkan peran paling mengerti?
Di dunia ini sudah terlalu banyak orang yang merasa dirinya paling mengerti. Dengan latar belakang yang “katanya” terpelajar, mereka merasa berhak menjadi yang paling benar lalu berperangai kurang ajar.
I don’t know how to express how grateful I am to say goodbye to 2018. To be honest I have no regrets to look back on 2018. Although it wasn’t the best year, it taught me a lot about the importance of loving myself and the importance of being my true self. For me, it is the year of ‘Authenticity’.
2018 had been a year of embracing my imperfections and accepting the person I am. I found contentment in my journey and I’m grateful to be where I am now. I accepted myself wholeheartedly and I’m excited about growing to be my ideal self, not the ideal person of someone else. I stopped rushing for the next achievement to possess but to slow down and be fully present. I was slowly in tune with my feeling and realized that happiness is a journey, not a destination that I can rush towards. I started embracing my shortcomings and insecurities instead of surrendering to the dark voices in my head telling me that, I wasn’t good enough.
When I was a kid, I was told a story about elephant and blind men.
Six blind men were asked to observe an object that they had no idea about. They chose one leader to listen and make conclusion, while the other 5, observing the object in different position. The leader asked, ‘What is an elephant like?’ and they began to touch the object. One of them said: ‘It is like a pillar.’ This blind man had only touched its leg. Another man said, ‘The elephant is like a fan.’ This person had only touched its ears. The third man said, ‘No, it’s a wall.’ This man touch the belly. The fourth who touched the trunk said, ‘ No way, it is round and sharp, it must be a spear.’ The last man said, ‘Yes it is round, but too smooth for a spear, and it keeps moving. It must be a snake.’ This last man only touched the tail.
The leader was confused. None of the information matched one to another. Thus, he failed to make a conclusion.
The story above tells us how the same data when it is seen from different perspectives might be interpreted differently. None of the men were lying, but none of them were telling the truth either. They were right in their own little observation.
In the real world, that case is not happening to the blind men only. Data representation might lead misinterpretation to anyone.