I call her Alpha Majoris, a name after the brightest star in the night sky. I use that name as my admiration to constellation and celestial objects. We’ve been close to each other for almost 2 years now, precisely since we decided to watch Zedd’s concert at the end of 2019.
Unlike the previous woman that I used to date, this time I haven’t posted anything even though we’ve been together for a while now.
I don’t know why.. Maybe because I’ve been busy with work and some trainings which are quite frequent. Maybe because the previous story didn’t end perfectly. Or perhaps, I simply want to keep this relationship private for myself and those in our closest circles.
We agreed to not putting any label on our relationship, but yes, we are mutually exclusive. For us, labels in relationship are overvalued. Labelling relationship doesn’t necessarily make one in a committed relationship. In fact, it can make one ended up trapped in a mere formalities.
Fiuh, it’s been a year from that moment huh.. I’m not sure if it’s like yesterday or a thousand year. I’m not even sure if this is appropriate to be shared or not, but ya, I’m gonna share this anyway.
Throughout my life, I was close to some girls, but many of which only ended up with small talks or coffee dates without further stories. Yes I was never in a relationship. Sometimes the reasons were on the women’s side, but most of the time, I was the main cause. I find myself quite easy to be attracted to girls but extremely difficult to be attached to them.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean to play around with those girls. In fact, every time I dated a girl, I always hoped that girl will be right one. The hopes always felt like that step will be the last step needed to get to the top of the mountain, or the last note that completes the whole harmony, or the final word that could sum up the entire story. I always hoped that that will be the end of the searching, that that will end well.
It was 30 minutes before the midnight when a chat notification came into my phone. I called him Cimeng, one of my best friends when I was in college. The name Cimeng in bahasa Indonesia means weed. My circle gave him that nickname because his face constantly looked like someone who was under drugs influence.
“Are you busy?” he asked.
I always knew, random text in the middle of the nights means he just experienced a bad thing. Most of the times the bad thing was related to his romance story. He kinda sucks in doing relationship.
“No mate, what’s up?” I replied.
“Well, it’s about the story I told you last time. Can I call you?”
Not long after that my phone rang, a voice call from him through WhatsApp application showed up on the screen.
He started to share his story about a girl he adored in the office. I knew he’d been approaching this girl quite long time, and I knew how much effort he had given just to get a single glimpse from the girl. It wasn’t very smooth, but he did it anyway.
When I ask you about your first love. I am silently wishing that you’re going to say your own name.
So that I know, every choice that you make is based upon your conscience. So if one day you ask me to be on your side, I know that it will be your final decision.
So before that, please embrace yourself. Be alone, eat alone, and take yourself on dates. Only then you could learn about yourself in a deeper level. Only then you could hear the whisper of your heart.
What was your strongest reason to do something? I mean, something that crazily drives you to act or behave in a certain way. Do you still remember what was it?
Some of you might say most of the reasons are money, reward, experience, or acknowledgement. Some even say game station, food, and toys. I think there is totally nothing wrong with all of them. Sometimes I got my motivation from those reasons as well.
And sometimes people get motivation in a very mysterious way. She is “The Altair“, a girl who turns my world upside down, from unmotivated person into a man who is willing to struggle to pursue his dreams. Read more →
Hai apa kabar kamu disana? Semoga kamu selalu dibawah perlindungan-NYA ya. Alhamdulillah disini aku baik-baik aja, semoga engkau juga demikian. Amanahku, jangan lupa sholatnya, jaga kesehatan, makan teratur dan sayurnya jangan lupa dimaem juga. hahaha…
Kamu lagi ngapain? Mungkin kamu sekarang sedang sibuk memantaskan diri ya?, percayalah aku juga demikian. Aku memang belum sempurna dan tak akan pernah sempurna, tapi aku berjanji akan berusaha menjadi imam sekaligus ayah terbaik untuk kamu dan anak-anak kita kelak. Sampai saat itu tiba, jangan pernah mengeluh apalagi menyerah atas cobaan yang engkau alami, karna semua cobaan itulah yang akan menempa kita menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik. Ingatlah, aku di belahan bumi yang lain sedang berjuang bersamamu. Semoga perjuangan kita menjumpai akhir yang bahagia baik di dunia maupun di akhirat.
I used to hate saying “I Love You” and others flirting words to a girl. Besides it sounds cliche for me, I also believe that action speaks louder than words. I used to laugh at other guys when they flirt on their girls. But do you know what? Now there are thousands similar words swarm inside my head urge to be expressed, and I bet you don’t want to hear all of those boring words. I need to make it short but how am I suppose to express all of them? While those common three words can’t even depict the magnitude nor the depth of my emotions. I want to be able to create a new metaphor that would erupt like a volcano when you read my message, so hopefully you will understand my heart condition now. Unfortunately I can’t, this is just too much, I’m not a poet who can produce romantic sentences like all women always dreamed of. Instead of being romantic, I’d prefer to illustrate my feeling in the way I treat you, the way I share my affection. But special in this occasion, please let me show my tremendous feeling by saying “I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST!!!”.
I think the universe is on my side
Heaven and Earth have finally aligned
Days are good and that’s the way it should be
You sprinkle star dust on my pillow case
It’s like a moonbeam brushed across my face
Nights are good and that’s the way it should be
Potongan lirik Bright dari Echosmith ini tak bosan-bosannya ku ulang beberapa hari belakangan. Suara yang merdu ditambah alunan musik yang lembut menjadi kombinasi yang pas untuk didengar, belum lagi lirik yang mengena dengan pengalaman pribadi. Sungguh kolaborasi sempurna pemicu banjirnya dophamine di otakku. Sebuah hormon yang menyebabkan rasa bahagia dan ketergantungan akan sesuatu, sering juga disebut sebagai hormon cinta.