Quotes

Childhood ghost


When I was a little I was told several stories about imaginary ghosts that could kidnap the parents when their kids did something terrible.

The stories have one thing in common:

“Don’t fight your parents, don’t fail your parents, don’t embarrass your parents, because every time you make your parents sad, the ghost will try to take your parents away from you.”

I was so scared by the idea of losing my parents. So I obeyed because I didn’t want to fight my parents. I suppressed my emotion because I didn’t want to embarrass my parents in public. And I studied because I didn’t want to make my parents sad because of my bad scores.

Even though the idea of the ghosts kept haunting me in my day to day activities, those stories also made me behave better than average kids in my age. 

—– * —–

When I get older, the ghosts are different. 

The demons that I used to imagine no longer exists. However, they change their forms into regret, loneliness, self doubt, and uncertain future.

And though I may be older and wiser, I still find myself haunted by imaginary concepts that limit the way I do things. 

I think a lot of people out there share the similar experience. 

Sometimes I wonder why we can’t fully get rid of our fears. Is it because it is realistically impossible to be totally fearless? Or is it because we actually need the right amount of fear? Just enough fear, to remind us that we still have something to protect. Something that we don’t want to lose, like dreams and family.

Because if it’s true that we actually need some amount of fears. No wonder we keep creating our new “ghost” after defeating the old ghost.

 


A talk about 28


I remember in my early 20s, my English tutor Jack shared his story about life at 28. 

“It sucks” he said to sum up his whole story.
Jack seemed very burdened with all  the things happened in his life. Well he was shabby, a bad alcoholic, a sleepyhead, and on his penniless days, an English tutor. He was probably the last person you would ever trust to get a life inspiration. 

“At the age of 28”, he said, “you are expected to have a settled life, with a settled job, with a settled family, and also with a settled place to live.”
He seemed very depressed. It was worsened by his girlfriend’s parents that urged him to get married as soon as possible. I knew from all the things he just mentioned, literally none of them he got under control.

“It’s hard to have a settled life when you don’t event know what your purpose is. It’s hard to have a purpose when you don’t even have a clear values. And how can everyone expects me to have everything figure out in this early age.” Jack continued.

“Time flies so fast. When I was your age, it seemed this day is still so far ahead in the future. And then now everything feels like happening all of a sudden.” added Jack while rubbing his forehead. 

It was hard for me to feel the empathy toward his story. I didn’t think any of my classmates can feel relate to his story as well. We were simply too young for that.

(more…)


She is Alpha


I call her Alpha Majoris, a name after the brightest star in the night sky. I use that name as my admiration to constellation and celestial objects.
We’ve been close to each other for almost 2 years now, precisely since we decided to watch Zedd’s concert at the end of 2019.

Unlike the previous woman that I used to date, this time I haven’t posted anything even though we’ve been together for a while now.

I don’t know why..
Maybe because I’ve been busy with work and some trainings which are quite frequent. Maybe because the previous story didn’t end perfectly. Or perhaps, I simply want to keep this relationship private for myself and those in our closest circles. 

We agreed to not putting any label on our relationship, but yes, we are mutually exclusive. For us, labels in relationship are overvalued. Labelling relationship doesn’t necessarily make one in a committed relationship. In fact, it can make one ended up trapped in a mere formalities.

(more…)


Maudy Ayunda – Goodbye


Baby I’m Leaving
Can You Tell Me Now
Will You Love Me Still

Baby I’m Trying
I’m Holding Back The Tears
Don’t Wanna Let You Down

Cause The World Is So Much Brighter When You’re Here
Even California Weather Wouldn’t Heal
The State Of Missing You

Goodbye
For Now It Is Goodbye
Cause My Dream Is Out There On The Other Side
Goodbye
So Hard To Say Goodbye
And I’ll Text You In The Morning
I’ll Call You Every Night To Say Hello
Hello, Hello

Baby I’m Leaving
Can You Hold Me Now
Soon I Have To Go

Baby I’m Trying
I Cant Hold Back The Tears
Don’t Wanna Let You Down

Cause The World Is So Much Brighter When You’re Here
Even California Weather Wouldn’t Heal
The State Of Needing You

Goodbye
For Now It Is Goodbye
Cause My Dream Is Out There On The Other Side
Goodbye
So Hard To Say Goodbye
And I’ll Text You In The Morning
I’ll Call You Every Night To Say Hello
Hello
Hello

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